


I Can't Change, And Believe Me I've Tried

by highlinson



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, larry stylinson - Freeform, lourry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-30
Updated: 2013-12-30
Packaged: 2018-01-06 18:15:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1110023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/highlinson/pseuds/highlinson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lately, Louis has grown more and more distant to Harry. After innumerable unanswered texts and invitations, Harry confronts him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Can't Change, And Believe Me I've Tried

**Author's Note:**

> AN: I can't write summaries but yeah. I'm new here so I hope to please everyone :)  
> Comments/Kudos are of course highly appreciated!!

Louis and Harry had been the best of friends for three years now, but lately things have been changing. It started off rather small and innocent, nothing big, just an unanswered text from Louis here or a rejected offer to a meal there. Nothing Harry wasn't used to, he knew the trouble that came with being an international pop star on tour, but he couldn't help missing the way him and Louis have been before _her._

 

At first, Harry had been really happy that Louis had found someone who made him happy, who brought a bit of calmness in his otherwise hectic life. But soon he found Louis isolating himself, spending almost every free minute with his new girlfriend. Harry learned early how to deal with his not-so-platonic feelings for his best friend but sometimes he just thought that he was so much better at putting a spark in the older boy's startling blue eyes. When jealousy got the best of him he just stayed away from the love-birds and slept a night at one of the boy's because of course they detected his rather obvious feelings right at the start. They would always try (and most of the time succeed) to cheer him up by telling him it was because they were freshly in love and that it would subside soon.

 

Harry was quite good at dealing with the lack of his best friend but it all became too much when Louis suddenly decided to move in with Eleanor. He had been distant before, but after that he seemed completely out of reach for the younger boy, who, on the other hand, needed him so much. Now, whenever Harry would try to take Louis out or convince him to spend a DVD evening with him at home like in “the good old times” he would say he hadn't got the time or that he already had made plans with Eleanor. Harry would then spend an evening at home alone, his only companion a bottle of whiskey, wine or whatever alcoholic beverage was to be found lying around somewhere.

On one evening in late June Harry was particularly disappointed in his best friend, his own stupid never-changing feelings, his day and his life in general.

Today he had asked Louis casually if he wanted to hang out with him any time soon at which Louis had responded with “Fuck off, Harry, you're annoying me with your never-ending attempts on spending time with me” and had gone away with a shrug of his tanned, muscular shoulders. Harry was left behind with an incredulous look on his face, his mouth hanging agape and eyes tearing up. As Zayn tried to approach him, he just flinched back and stumbled more than walked into his hotel room, where he spent the last hour crying his heart out and drowning his sorrows in alcohol.

 

When the banging on his door subsided and he was opening his second bottle of whiskey, Harry decided to take matters in his own hand. He stood up swaying a bit and got his phone out of his pocket. He then called “Boobear” (changing his old nickname would just make the change they both went through worse) and waited for anything to happen. Even in his drunken state of mind he considered getting the answering machine as more likely than to actually talk to Louis, but after the fourth ring the unmistakable high-pitched voice answered, “Harry”, so quietly the younger boy almost missed it. Though he planned on being strong he let out a sob and a choked “Lou...”

“Listen, Harry, what I said before, I didn't-” but he was being interrupted by his best friend who suddenly grew angry at his lousy excuses and wanted to clear thing once and for all and spat, “Save it, Louis! Fucking save it! This is the first time in the whole last year that you answer one of my calls without the intention of talking about business, so you better listen this time. I don't know what I did wrong, I don't know what Eleanor talked into your tiny brain that made you hate me but-” “I don't hate you”, was being whispered from the other line and Harry didn't miss it, but he kept on talking anyway, “You mean a lot to me, more than you should, and I can't handle being this close to you but not knowing anything that's going on in your life any more when we used to share _every little detail_ of our lives back then. Just – just tell me what I did and I'll try to change it, I will! Or”, he had to stop to let a sob escape his lips and wiped briefly over his cheeks to dry the tears unsuccessfully, his aggressive, defensive mood now replaced by hurt and tiredness, “or if you don't want me in your life any more, just _tell me right now_ and I'll be gone. Forever, if you insist.”

 

The line went so silent that Harry thought, for a moment, Louis had hung up on him for behaving so weak and immature, but then a sob rang through the phone and Harry's drunk mind took some seconds to realise that it had not been himself who sobbed, it had in fact been Louis. “Harry, you... you mean _so much_ to me-”, Louis started at which Harry snorted, “Oh really? You didn't really get that message across successfully during the last few month.” By now he didn't really care any more what Louis thought of him, he just wanted this to be over, may the result be good or bad.

“I know that I've been the worst friend, I do, but let me explain. It- I- Can we do this eye to eye maybe?”, the older boy asked timidly, gnawing at his lower lip in fear of rejection.

Harry, who could never tell the other boy “no”, no matter what it was about, heaved out a sigh and said, “Okay, I'll unlock the door”, which he did. A few minutes and gulps of burning liquid later, small knocks could be heard and the door opened from the inside.

 

Their eyes locked and all the emotions they both held for each other could be read in them, hurt and lack of understanding in the green ones, sorrow and regret in the blue ones. Louis led their way to the back and sat on the edge, knees crossed, facing Harry. He breathed in deeply and was about to start his story when -“Hi”. He looked up and saw Harry looking at him, a timid smile circling his plump lips and the sight reminded him so much of their first conversations late at night at the X Factor and how their friendship was back then that he couldn't hold it in any longer. He broke down in front of Harry's now concerned looking eyes as loud, heartbreaking sobs rocked his body. “Hey”, Harry said and his voice did not held one trace of anger so when he felt a long, cold finger lifting his chin up, he forced himself to look in the eyes he used to be able to read like an open book.

“I fucked up, Harry, I-I-I”, he stuttered, about to hyperventilate, when Harry said, “It's okay, we all do, Lou”. At the sound of his old nickname Louis decided to let all his walls being kicked in and to spill his heart. “I know I'm not in the position to make demands but please promise to listen till the end and not to get too mad?” At Harry's encouraging nod he began. “Well... About a year ago I noticed that I have … feelings for you that … I should not be having ... I tried to stay away of you to make them go away but they would not so I had a 'talk' with management because I honestly thought they could help me... “, Louis paused to laugh humourlessly, “How wrong I was. They came up with Eleanor because 'stupid things like teenager's hormones will not cause a split of the band and make us lose money' and it all got worse, they made me spend all of my time with her, hell, they even made me move out. But it's not all their fault. What I did today was just... unforgivable, I know, but not only that, I behaved exactly how they wanted to, although I always told myself not to give in and to stand up to who I am at least to myself. Driving you away like I did today made me realise that I can't keep living with the chains management forced on me, that I can't live without having you close, that I can't live without _you_.”

At the end of his confession his head hang low and his cheeks were painted pink with embarrassment. He wiped the tears that he long gave up holding back any more off his hot cheeks but let his gaze stay directed to the mess of white sheets on the bed.

  
Just when he thought he could not stand this silence for one more second he heard Harry gulp audibly and ask incredulously, “Are you- Are you telling me that you have _feelings_ for me?” “Well I-” -”Look at me, please”, came as a murmur before the sentence could be finished. The older boy looked up again and whispered “I'm in love with you, Harry, and I'm sorry but – I can't change”, he said, referring to Harry's tattoo that he had always admired, so much that he himself had gotten a matching one.

“How – Why – You should have _told_ me!” “Well, how would you have reacted? Probably worse than now, although not responding is already awful!” “You want me to know how I would have reacted? You want to get a response?”, Harry asked breathlessly at which Louis nodded unsurely before he felt two firm, oh-so-well-known hands grip his jaw and cheek and pull him closer, until his thin, raw lips were met by plump, soft ones. It was probably the most innocent kiss possible, just lips on lips, barely touching, but they both poured their hearts in the kiss and tried to show the other without words how they felt. All they could feel was love and relief, not one thought was filled with fear about things like the future, the moment now was too perfect to be destroyed by doubt and they wanted to savour it forever, to keep it locked in a place deep inside their hearts where no one could take it away ever again. Their tears mingled hotly on both boy's cheeks but they couldn't care less, because after all this time of distance, rejection and suppression of feelings their hearts finally found each other. And no matter what the future will bring, how they will handle hiding their relationship, or how hard times might get, they will never leave each other again.

**Author's Note:**

> I might write a sequel. Let me know what you think of this one and also if you'd read another one :) tysm


End file.
